just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize