Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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