we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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