He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
