So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
