theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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