so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
