Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
