The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
cat food counts as protein by the way
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
