i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
