I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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