Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
