Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
