I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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