Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
