I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
These tits shall not be calmed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize