I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
