It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
