I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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