he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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