I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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