She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
