I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
