Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
