So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
