i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize