I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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