Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
