Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

(760): View more from California

You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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(301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf

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(636): View more from Missouri

I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.

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(636): I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap. http://tfl.nu/1yuw

Replies (56) Good night (1174) Bad night (3325)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Come see our sink grown plant.

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(480): Come see our sink grown plant. http://tfl.nu/3v5r

Replies (25) Good night (4414) Bad night (1365)
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(425): View more from Washington

I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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(425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t

Replies (19) Good night (3877) Bad night (1074)
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(213): View more from California

You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.

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(213): You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick. http://tfl.nu/ma7b

Replies (14) Good night (2998) Bad night (1191)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?

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(918): What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else? http://tfl.nu/xvvc

Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (558)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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(336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7

Replies (15) Good night (2996) Bad night (739)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

DOWN HORMONES. BACK.

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(778): DOWN HORMONES. BACK. http://tfl.nu/nnqc

Replies (4) Good night (1586) Bad night (650)
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(916): View more from California

Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties

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(916): Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties http://tfl.nu/1wl7

Replies (3) Good night (1499) Bad night (586)
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(916): View more from California

I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge

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(916): I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge http://tfl.nu/9m2f

Replies (4) Good night (1106) Bad night (1038)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room

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(413): You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room http://tfl.nu/ree5

Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (645)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.

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(201): I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone. http://tfl.nu/6r51

Replies (2) Good night (696) Bad night (409)
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(407): View more from Florida

Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face

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(407): Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face http://tfl.nu/1rfc

Replies (1) Good night (607) Bad night (757)
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(623): View more from Arizona

How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?

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(623): How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you? http://tfl.nu/hs2q

Replies (0) Good night (293) Bad night (683)
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(540): View more from Virginia

The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks

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(540): The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks http://tfl.nu/w7ql

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