i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
