My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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