Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

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(281): View more from Texas

Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.

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(208): View more from Idaho

if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.

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(315): View more from New York

No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...

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