My hand turned me down
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
