it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder