Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.