Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys

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(210): Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys http://tfl.nu/9bus

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(925): View more from California

i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on

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(925): i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on http://tfl.nu/khmy

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(775): View more from Nevada

You're the end to all my bad dreams.

(702): View more from Nevada

Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?

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(775): You're the end to all my bad dreams. (702): Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again? http://tfl.nu/buiw

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(314): View more from Missouri

Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

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(314): Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though. http://tfl.nu/zzah

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?

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(603): So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me" (1-603): Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole? http://tfl.nu/54bk

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(313): View more from Michigan

is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday

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(313): is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday http://tfl.nu/9ppn

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.

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(405): He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/m9rk

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(541): View more from Oregon

Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.

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(541): Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids. http://tfl.nu/e2e0

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(641): View more from Iowa

What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.

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(641): What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore. http://tfl.nu/icvy

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.

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(910): I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything. http://tfl.nu/veiz

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka

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(701): I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka http://tfl.nu/1kth

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(+27): View more from South Africa

I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.

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(+27): I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me. http://tfl.nu/p5fs

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(816): View more from Missouri

Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?

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(816): Wait. Wine + Crossbow..? http://tfl.nu/8knj

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(716): View more from New York

I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"

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(716): I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!" http://tfl.nu/0j2g

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(925): View more from California

You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there

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(925): You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there http://tfl.nu/g2al

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