I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.