Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
