Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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