At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
