All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
