She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
