You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
