I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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