So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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