we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
