I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
