I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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