A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My ass is underappreciated
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
