I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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