he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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