I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
