im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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