At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
