Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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