put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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