Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
