2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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