I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
