If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
