Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
