she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
