Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need moral support for this bender
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
