sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
