last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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