JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Bring me that man meat
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
