4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
