hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
