What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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