why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
