Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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