I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So vagazzling was a success
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
