first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
