im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
