i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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