it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
