I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
