Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
