She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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