I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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