I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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