I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
