I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Life is so much better after having sex.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
