Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The air was thick with penises
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
