You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
