She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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