Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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