if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
