This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
