Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
