Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
