if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
