i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
