I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
